Thursday, January 24, 2008

Swineburna 1/24/08

(Note from Snack - Here's another edition of the Swinburna, our friend's take on things other then sports. As always, his views aren't necessarily the views of PNA...So enjoy, ladies and germs, I'll try to get a Pitt recap up later today!)

For any readers out there who give an f’, let me just say that my introductory rantings were limited a bit by the masterful editing of Big Snack. Apparently, he’s trying to uphold the pureness of PNA. So in this edition, I shall tame down the language, and Snack won’t have to replace certain colorful context...

So we are officially slipping into a nice recession here. Not too surprising I would assume though. Our spending down in Washington resembles that of monkeys punching calculators, the stock market drops about 400 points a day, and half of America is in debt paying 20% interest on everything. So Bush and his elite team of advisors say to themselves, “Lets give everyone in America $800, and all of our economic troubles will be over! Everyone will spend money, and give the economy that much needed shot in the arm! Yeeaaa!” I really don’t see this working. Now, trust me, I would love a new iPhone, a bunch of weed and my gas bill paid for a month; but how would that pull the economy out of its downward spiral. A month from now, however, I’d be unable to pay my phone bill, have nothing to roll up, and be cold.

Now maybe...just maybe...if we weren’t spending $300 million a day in Iraq ,we’d have some extra spending money. The cost is already $500 billion and is estimated to go well over $1 trillion...the Pirates will win the World Series sooner than it would take me to count that high...thats a lot of freakin money.

Lets throw away that stupid argument and beliefs that the world is safer without Sadaam, terrorism is bad mmm’ k, the Geneva Convention doesn’t apply to us cuz we’re fighting for freedom!!, Toby Keith 4 President, and the you-have-to-stop-terrorism-at-its-source-this-will-make-the-world-a-safer-place mentality. If you believe that, stop reading now because your stupid and I hate you. There are a lot of special interests involved, with the obvious giant pink elephant in the room being Oil. Ahhhhh...liquid gold it is! That’s fine, I’d accept the fact that the reason we’re invading a country is for money. Don’t lie to me. I’m on the internet. I read blogs. I’d surely find out the truth sooner or later. Sure it took five years, but I got ya! The problem is it didn’t really work out. Gas ain’t too cheap these days, and we’re still apparently spending quite a bit to try and make it so. The Swineburna’s onto ya George!

Truth is, we could cut off all ties to foreign oil, live on our reserves for about 15-20 years while diverting the Trillions of dollars saved from dealing with the Middle East into research and development of alternative energy sources. I think this might be wise to do, because like it or not, we’re gonna use up allllll the oil and need to do that anyway. But this is all prevented by about 50 old white guys who are pretty powerful and enjoy being ridiculously, ridiculously rich.

So my jagoff of the week goes to ‘Old Ridiculously Rich White Guys’ because I really really dislike spending $45 to fill up my Mitsubishi Galant. It just isn’t enjoyable for me.

So in a few months, everyone can come over to my warm crib in the North Side, we can play on our iPhone’s together, while giving each other high fives and smoking doobies while listening to Toby Keith…..the American dream.

Until next time...


Anonymous said...

Tally up the lies...'George Bush lied 935 times to take USA into Iraq war'. Why do people still believe the President? “Lets give everyone in America $800, and all of our economic troubles will be over! Everyone will spend money, and give the economy that much needed shot in the arm! Yeeaaa!” I'm not surprised GW thought of that, maybe he got some help on that one from Jeb down there is Florida. I doubt he cares what happens to this country after he is out of office. His war spending habits reflect that. Remember the veto on health care for low income children? wow.

BooBoo said...

Dwight Eisenhower saw the shape of things to come, and beat on the military-industrial complex in his farewell speech in 1961:
"This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence — economic, political, even spiritual — is felt in every city, every statehouse, every office of the federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society."
Google it (I got the quote from Wiki) and you can see it building over the past five decades. That's why hippies raged against the machine.

Maggie said...

the pink elephant in the room is actually just a drunken hallucination, swineburna.
hey, i found a web app for my f'ing awesome iPhone that displays a continuous burning lighter flame. so, you know, you can hold it up at concerts n'at.

life is so much better with that phone and you know it. so is living on the north side. LYFE!!!

Bobinkle said...

Dude your pics aren't showing up. Must have posted this hammered.

burnsRbeef said...

My teach told me the other day that Good Ole' George passed a law about receiving dividends. It was something like: If your in the 15%-30% tax bracket you get taxed 30% or something like that on your dividends. If your in 1%-15% you get taxed 0%!!!!! That helps the economy, give the rich more money so they can put it in the bank! Because you know those in the lower tax brackets never pump there entire paychecks into the economy.

Lucia a.k.a. PGH Finest said...

You are hilarious!! I heart you and F-bush, he's a weird psycho! he murdered education... ya'll are awesome. p.s. im still lookin forward to that $800 though can't help it, im broke.