Friday, May 2, 2008

Top 10 Reasons the NHL Playoffs Rock

Now that April is over the NHL playoffs are getting into full swing of things. Next week the conference championships will start, and this is where things really get interesting. If you haven’t caught hockey fever yet, then now is the time to jump on the bandwagon. If you need some help getting fired up, here’s PNA’s top 10 reasons why the NHL playoffs rock…

10. Most games are in HD

If you’re a true fan of sports then the ridiculously big and wide flat screen is a must. (It sure is getting expensive to be a sports fan these days) Lets face it though, if you don’t have HD TV yet then your living stone age. Hockey in high definition is freakin awesome, and it’s definitely the next best thing to shelling out big bucks for tickets to the game. (I’ll get to that). And as my girlfriend likes to say, “you can actually see the puck when you’re watching in HD”.

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Why the F is he in a Rangers uni?

9. You can blow your tax return on playoff tickets

Your taxes are due in April, and the NHL playoffs also start that month. Is this a coincidence? Well yea, it probably is, but that doesn’t change the fact you can use that cold hard cash you get back from Uncle Sam to stimulate the economy by buying some Penguins playoff tickets. (Just be sure to get nice and drunk before you go inside, so they don’t get you on the whole Onorato 10% tax on the poured alcohol)

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Give em' hell...

8. Every second counts

One of the knocks on hockey is that the regular season is long, so the games are less meaningful. All that crazy talk is tossed out the window come playoff time. Playoff hockey is just about as intense as it gets. The momentum swings frequently and you watch the game on the edge of your seat. (And if you’re like me you chew off most of your fingernails before the drop of the puck in the third period)

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Time to go, Rangers...

7. The refs let ‘em play in the playoffs

The last thing you want in the final game of a 7 game series is the ref blowing his stupid whistle late in the third and basically deciding the outcome of a game, by calling a ticky-tack penalty. This doesn’t happen too often in the NHL. The refs will usually have to see something pretty significant (blatant) happen right in front of them in order to make a call. Penalties like interference, hooking, boarding, elbowing, and crosschecking are for the most part ignored at the end of the 3rd and in OT.

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No Shirt, No Penalty

6. It gives you more opportunities to wear that $200 Hockey jersey you bought

Unless you go to the game and the PR geniuses decided to have a “white out” and make you wear a shirt that probably cost them about 15 cents because they were made at some sweat shop in Malaysia, this past time is a favorite of all true NHL fans. Hell, you don’t even need to own a “new” hockey jersey. The playoffs give you an excuse to dust off that god awful Rob Brown alternate Pens jersey that’s been sitting in your closet since 1993. Rock it proudly!

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Remind me, who thought this jersey was a good idea?

5. Because it proves Canada is inferior to the good ole US of A

All of us American’s already know this fact obviously. It’s just good to reiterate it every now and again especially because those uppity hosser’s think they are running shit in hockey.

Newsflash Canada, even though you act all high and mighty, none of your teams have won the Stanley Cup since 1992-93 season. American teams run this league so stick to fishing, drinking your nasty Canadian beer, collecting firewood, and whatever else yinz do up there, before you hurt yourselves.

PS have fun watching Montreal (the only Canadian team left) lose very soon.

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Truer words have never been printed...

4. They give you an excuse to party 3 or 4 times per week

I mean who really needs an excuse to drink on a weekday anyway? Usually when you go out and get hammered drunk and wake up hurting in the morning its only because its Wednesday, and you love the sauce.

Now when coworkers and bosses ask why your production level is so low, and also why you smell like brewery, you can use the excuse that you were celebrating another Penguins win the night before. Not only that, but your also helping the local economy by spending 40% of your pay check at your local watering hole.

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Looks like Snack and Diego at this year's Pens-Devils game...

3. They allow you to inevitably delay watching MLB baseball or the NBA playoffs

Usually quality sports programming is a little hard to come by in Pittsburgh this time of the year; most people around here hate NBA basketball with a passion and after a decade and a half of losing seasons we’ve also just about had it with the miserable Pirates.

Hockey playoffs give you something to look forward to, they give you a reason to watch the sports coverage on the news and read the sports section in the paper. And best of all thanks to the Pens you haven’t even started counting down to Steelers training camp yet!

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How most of us feel after watching our Buccos

2. It’s one more reason to hate Philadelphia and everyone in it

Thanks to MZP for thinking up this one.

If you live in the Burgh chances are you’re just like Big Snack and I, meaning you hate our interstate rivals in Philadelphia. And it’s not just their sports teams, but it’s also the annoying ass people who call Philly home. Their arrogant attitudes are not only unjustified, but also delusional.

Face it, the whole town is full or rejects from New York and New Jersey, (maybe that’s why they think they’re tough) your sports teams stink, and you can’t fight. It will be awesome watching Sid and company dismantle you in the conference finals, that is if you don’t shit the bed against Montreal first.

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The ONLY reason I set foot in Philly

1. Playoff Beards

Behold the almighty and powerful… PLAYOFF BEARD. Some of the greatest men in history had beards; Chuck Norris, Mr. T., Jerry Garcia, and even Jesus! Not only does the playoff beard embody manliness, but it also helps to unify the team to become one.

The superstition of the playoff beard goes back all the way to the 80’s and many believe that is bad luck to not grow one. (Just ask Jagr cuz whatever you wanna call that thing on his face, it certainly ain’t a playoff beard)

This trend is so well-liked even players in other sports like football and basketball are jumping on the bandwagon. In 2006, Big Ben grew a playoff beard, and we all know what happened next. Also Lebron James grew one last year for the NBA playoffs, leading his team to the finals.

Note from Snack - My playoff beard is in full the question is, should I keep the red beard or get rid of it, you know, for the ladies? Who am I kiddin', we all know the ladies always win over sports...

The playoff beard is so popular it also has its own website. What kind of playoff beard do you have?

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If you don't grow a playoff beard, Chuck will roundhouse kick you...

Until lata...

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Pens Win, The Playoff Beard Continues...

The Pens won last night, 5-3 at MSG against the hated NY Rangers. It was also the seventh consecutive playoff win for the Pens, making them the first team to do so since 1994.

Apparently, the win came at a cost - Max Talbot may have broken his foot. He was spotted today wearing a walking boot, and no one around the team, including Talbot himself, will discuss the injury (as is customary in NFL and NHL playoffs).

Talbot may be a heavy price to pay, but I think Jeff Taffe or Gary Roberts will be up to the task. It's times like this that I'm glad we've had a lot of players gain a ton of experience during the regular season, guys like a Jeff Taffe or a Connor James.

Even these idiots got some playing time for the big team.

And, in some late breaking news, Snack's Public Enemy #1, Sean Avery is in the hospital with a lacerated spleen. I would normally use this space to bad mouth him, but he's in critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit, so that's some scary stuff and I won't kick a man when he's down.

And finally, for those of you who know Big Snack, his playoff beard will not die. We'll post a pic of Snack in all of his glory sometime soon - hopefully before he turns into full ZZ Top Mode...

Monday, April 28, 2008

Monday Morning Hangover...

Its been a few weeks off, but Diego is back this week with another MMH. This weekend was filled with sports action and I’ve got plenty of things to get off my chest, so lets go…

Let me start out with everyone in Pittsburgh’s least favorite team the Pirates. They stink again, but the only difference is that this year people are finally starting to get fed up. As of last week the Pirates attendance dipped to last in the majors. This is right where it should be if you ask me. Sure we’ve got the nicest ball park in the game, but its frustrating having to hear about how “hard they’re trying” year in and year out, for 15 years.

I know what your saying, and yes it is early in the year, but the straw that broke the camels back was the release of Matt Morris today. I don’t blame Morris, I actually pat this guy on back he managed to pitch 4 games this year, going 0-4 with a 9.67 ERA and now he’s gonna be able to kick up his feet and collect his 10 million.

This is simply asinine move on the Bucco’s managements part. (old management not new) The Bucco’s and old GM (and jagoff of the year) David Littlefield acquired Morris to “stabilize the young pitching staff” whatever the f that means. We’re talking about the same GM who was too stingy to draft prospect catch Matt Weiters BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T WANT TO PAY HIM THE 10 MILLION DOLLAR SIGNING BONUS, opting instead for another left hander pitcher (I’m shocked). I don’t understand this, and maybe if you do you can explain it to me cuz now the Buc’s are not only on the hook for the 10 million this year, but Morris will cost them another cool million next year because of buy out cost!

I have had enough. I enjoy going to Buc’s game as much as the next guy, and I still may go down to toss back some IC lights with my friends, but I refuse to give these scumbags another dollar of my money. They do not deserve it because 5 years down the road (or less) we will fire our whole staff and start the whole “rebuilding” process all over again. Screw you Littlefield and I hope the Nutting’s jumps off one of the many bridges in this fine city.

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I'd like to wipe that smirk off his face...

Now back to the good teams in this city, the Steelers and Penguins. Steelers drafted this weekend (hope you enjoyed the live blog), and in a surprising move, they actually took a pair of guys on the first day that may be able to bring something to the table this season. (as long as we can get them signed and in camp)

In the first round the Lers selected Rashard Mendenhall, running back out Illinois. Certainly not a choice that Najeh “Dookie” Davenport wanted to hear, as it could spell the end for the “Dump Truck” here in the Burgh, but who knows? I like Mendenhall as he is big, fast, and most of all give’s FWP (Fast Willie Parker) a bit of break, as he won’t be forced to carry 30+ times a game anymore.

The only problem is he may be blind.

Second round Steelers drafted Limas Sweed, a tall WR from Texas, and of course, he is the answer to Big Ben’s prayers. I can’t believe we got this guy second round, as many speculated he would be the first or second receiver to go this year.

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He doesn't look like a Sweed...

Best first day the Steelers have had in awhile as far as I am concerned, lets hope it pans out. Either way though, you’ve gotta believe the Steelers took a look around the rest of the AFC and realized in order to be a top notch team they had to make their offense more explosive. That is just what they did on day one of the NFL draft this year.

On day two of the draft Steelers took Bruce Davis II in the third round, he was a defensive end at UCLA but Steelers plan on moving him to outside LB. He excels at rushing the QB, but might have some trouble with mobility. Coulda been a bit of a reach but we will see.

Next picked was Tony Hill a tackle from Texas. Finally, Steelers address the need of picking up another hoss for that O-line of theirs. Maybe this means we can send Sean Turd-han packing.

Fifth round we took Heisman candidate Dennis Dixon, quarterback out of Oregon. If he pans out this could be brilliant, unfortunately he reminds me of Kordell Jr (he even wears #10). Please no one show him the way to Schenley Park (just incase). Apparently this dude can also play some baseball, so the Bucs may wanna take a look if we cut him loose eventually.

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Shake and Bake...

In the 6th round we had two picks - one was Mike Humpal, a white boy linebacker out of Iowa. Can anyone say special teams specialist? Hopefully he can tackle cuz our special teams was pretty bootylicious again last year.

Our last pick was Ryan Mundy, safety formally of Michigan and WV fame, but he also played high school ball right here in at Woody high. (Note from Snack - little known fact, he also played at Central Catholic for a year)

Links for your viewing pleasure...

Yinz guys might think Mayor Luke is bad, but borrowing the home land security SUV doesn’t seem like a big deal when you read this story about another young mayor from outside DC.

This musta been one hell of an open bar. Over the weekend a couple from Shaler was arrested for starting a brawl after their own wedding. Apparently the groom ninja kicked the bride. Was he watching too much WWE or UFC fighting, or is he just a fan of Chuck Norris?

Looks like good ole’ Roger Clemens may have some bigger issues then steroid allegations… Good to know Roger enjoys him some underage ass.

Until lata...

Snack Attack

As I mentioned earlier, the Pens won yesterday 2-0. It was a defensive game, with both goaltendersplaying very well, and it certainly was a hard hitting affair.

SS Gill and Big Georges handled their business with Mr. Avery (see last post) and the Flower kept his sheet clean in the net. Overall it was an awesome effort all around.

And check out this video - it may be the sweetest in person video that I've seen from the Igloo, and for those of you that don't know, it's Snack's Enemy #1 getting his face beat on by SS and Georges. I love how Talbot, Malone and Scuds all turn around to protect the big guys from the rest of the pissed of Rangers. Hell, Flower even jumps in and grabs somebody, all culminating in the celebration behind the net. Whoever shot this is the man, except the audio is a lil suspicious to say the least...

By the by, I have a couple of insiders down at the Igloo, and I'm not the only one who has a problem with Avery - you can now include the staff of the Igloo ice surface. Apparently while they were cleaning the corners of ice shavings before one of the periods, Avery and his "friends" decided to make fun of them and harass them, so much so that the referee came over and put them in their place.

My old man used to work on the ice crew, and said if that happened in his day, they woulda just slapped him with their shovel. I, for one, would like to volunteer my services as an "ice man" for game 5 (if we even need it).

Watch your back Avery, Snack's off the latter part of this week, and he's not above coming up to NYC to pay you a little visit...

Until lata, when Diego plans on sending me his MMH for yinz...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sean Avery is a WOMAN

As the Pens lead 1-0 in the late third period of game two, SS Gill was called for a cross check on the biggest pansy in the NHL, Sean Avery. They complained about the Pens diving, but he fell down, brings Gill along with him and gets a penalty called...

We'll have a recap up soon from the game, but I felt I had to post this - it was that horrible. He doesn't have the nuts to do anything but cry like a girl and pose for fashion shoots.

Leave the NHL, you don't deserve to wear a uniform, WOMAN.

By the way Avery, I'm not scared of you - Big Snack will put you in your place, punk...

Sorry, it had to be said...

UPDATE - HAHAHA YOU SUCK AVERY, you and your Rangers can go home and cry in Central Park, cause we're going to the Garden up 2-0...


SUPER SWEET UPDATE - PNA would like to thank SS Gill and Big Georges for their thorough beat down of Avery at the end of the game...Gill looked like he was about to eat Avery's children, and Georges came in with his fists flyin'.

Hey Sean, I bet you feel like a real tough guy knowing you just had your life saved by a referee - try that stuff in Game three and watch what happens to you.

You just started a war with two very, very large men (three if you include me), and it's a war you CANNOT win. Even if the Rangers make a miracle comeback and beat us, you can bet your sweet ass Avery won't be walking right by the end of the series...