Saturday, April 26, 2008


9:03 - Well the draft's over, and I know we kinda flaked out after the Steelers round 1 pick, but hey, it was our first try, give us a break.

Anyway, the Steelers may have gotten two of the biggest steals in the draft in RB Rashard Mendenhall and WR Limas Sweed (our second rounder). I mentioned how good Mendenhall is already, but Sweed was listed by some as the number 1 reciever available today - not a bad lil' day 1...

Sweed also fills the "tall reciever" mold that Big Ben wants so badly. He's 6 foot 5 and likes to play physical and jump over people...kinda like Plex, minus the baggage. Like I said, not a bad take...

Until tomorrow, when we'll update ya on the Pens playoff run and our other picks in the draft...

5:52 - Dallas is on the clock, but no one cares because the Steelers pick next...The 'Boys select Felix Jones. He was McFadden's sidekick, and is a Fast Willie in training. Good for them, time for the Steelers...

The Steelers take Mendenhall from Illinois. Hot damn we have our thunder to go with the lightning...he ran for over 1600 yards last season, and hasn't had the crazy amount of carries of a McFadden...

Diego and I are pretty pumped about this pick, as some people actually had him rated ahead of McFadden. Now Willie won't have to carry the ball 54 times a game. Rashard is 225lbs. and a bruiser, which should be a great compliment to Willie (who apparently is running EVEN FASTER then he was before he broke his leg.

The Titans just picked Chris Johnson, an RB from East Carolina; bet their pissed we took Mendenhall...hahahaha

But back to Rashard - I really couldn't be happier. I'll post something later on tonight about him (during the second round probably because we won't be updating every three picks in that one), including stats and video...

5:32 - Almost Steeler time and we're gettin antsy at the PNA draft headquarters; who will they go with? O-line? Wide Receiver? Corner? Only time will tell..

Eagles trade their 1st rounder, pick 19, to the Carolina Panthers. Panthers take Jeff Otah offensive tackle out of Pitt. Good to see a Pitt player going so early, and hopefully the Stache will have plenty more coming in future years.

There's been a ton of trades so far in this years draft, much more then any past drafts I remember.

Even though Tampa Bay's leading receiver last year was Ike Hilliard, they decided to pass on a top WR and go for CB Aqib Talib. Apparently this guy likes to puff on some cheebah cuz he failed 3 drug tests for weed at Kansas. Red flag though Mike Tirico? Thanks for the "marijuana update" what a news flash Mike. I wouldn't never guessed a 20 year old college kid would enjoy ripping some bongs every now and again.

Redskins on the clock now and you would assume these guys would wanna take a wide receiver with this pick.

Atlanta trades up to the 21st pick and Mel Kiper and crew seem to think its not a good call. Falcons take Sam Baker an offense tackle from USC. This guy looks like a lumberjack with his big red beard. Not too many lineman left for the Lers to pick from.

5:01 - Boomer seems genuinely surprised the Cards are picking this late in the draft...It's a funny thought that 8-8 is their best record since Jake "the Snack" err I mean "the Snake" Plummer led them to the playoffs in the late 90's..

They selected Cromartie, which is really pissin' off Steve Young. Thank God Emmitt isn't here to ruin it all, but we're both gettin' a lil sick of Young, and we hope Keyshawn Johnson punches him in his Hall of Fame face...Now THAT would be entertainment...

The Lions pick Gosder Cherilus, who is "mean" and "nasty"...apparently so mean and nasty that he made someone sneeze right before Goodell announced it...Mel thinks he got picked too early, and I agree - I didn't want the Steelers picking that jagoff, so I'm glad he's gone.

The Ravens moved up, and they're grabbing Flacco, a gunslingin' QB from Delaware...Do I smell another Kyle Boller? I think I do...

4:47 - I did not see this one coming, Panther select Jonathan Stewart out of Oregon with the 13th pick in the draft. The 2nd running back taken today is a monster, this kid can through people or around them, and he's huge at 235 lbs. Good pick Carolina, but I am salty as I was hoping he would fall to the Steelers.

Da Bears selecet Chris Williams out of Vanderbelt, he's a left tackle. Too bad for the Bears cuz they still need a QB, RB, and WR. (their offense stinks) It's looking more likely that the lineman will start falling off the board with the next few picks.

Lions trade the #15 pick to the KC Chiefs who select offensive guard Branden Albert from Virginia. No shocker there, KC needs as many big bodies as they can up front.

4:25 - The Pats reached a little with the 10 pick to get Mayo, making it 3 linebackers in a row selected...hopefully it means the Steelers won't pick one again, but once again, it's draft day, so God only knows...Maybe Tomlin has a little bit of Cowher in him, and will make a big splash like the chin did with Troy Palamalu...

And we kinda feel bad for Mayo, not only because he has to play for the cheaters, but he ain't gonna have anyone to chill with on the team...the rest of the linebackers on that squad are as old as my dad (and that's old), and something tells me Mayo won't want to go antiqueing or whatever it is old farts do to pass the time on the weekend...

The Bills made a quick pick and scooped up Leodis McKelvin, a CB from Troy. Apparently he's good, but he played for f-ing Troy, so he was basically playing a bucnh of Snacks and Diegos...It was glorified high school football. I mean Colclogh worked out well for us didn't he?

Here come the fat men...The Broncos picked Clady, the OT from Boise St., breaking the 7 defensive players in a row streak. I got a feeling the big guys are all gonna start going now, but unlike us, you're going to have to wait till the next update...hahahaha

4:08 - After waiting almost the entire 10 minutes to make their selection (really, you jagoffs traded up and you don't know who you're picking?), the Jaguars finally grabbed Derrick Harvey. This guy is a pass rusher, but he wasn't real high on a lot of peoples boards. It's kinda suspect trading up so far to get him.

Good year to get paid as a linebacker, the Bengals just picked Keith Rivers out of USC. With the return of Odell Thurman and now this kid the Cincy defense should definately improve next year.

*UPDATE* Wow Jags gave up 4 picks ot the Ravens to move up that far. They gave up a 1st rounder, 2 third rounders, and a 4th.

3:55 - I just saw Brandon Alberts for the first time; I think he might fly away Dumbo Style with his big ass ears...He's definitely creep number 1 so far in this draft, but I'm sure that'll change soon enough...

And we're not including the crowd - they're creepier then any player in the NFL. Half are boozed up and screaming and the other half are angry and screaming...throw in some drunk little kids and you got yourself a party in NYC...

The only good thing about this pick is the Patriots won't get Gholston...the cheatin bastards...

The Jets just took Gholston, and we're kinda mad, because we like watching them messing stuff up and picking Jow Blow from Our Little Sister of the Poor University...That also clears out the green room, so no one will be Brady Quinn-ing it this season, which also kinda sucks because we like watching these soon to be millionaires sweating it out and losing millions of $ in the process...

Let the wheelin' and dealin' begin - The Saints traded up to get Ellis, and all of a sudden Jacksonville trades up to select...?

We'll letcha know shortly...

3:37 - Next up to the Raiders is phenom running back Darren McFadden, and the Jets fans look pissed cuz they all know they needed running back pretty bad. McFadden can do it all it, he's the total package he can run, pass, and even kick (especially outside the bar around 2 AM) Hey at least he's didn't have any loaded guns or reefer on him at the time..

And with the 5th pick in the draft, the KC Chiefs select the dude from the UnderArmor commercial...jk but that dude is pretty jacked up though.

Now theres rumors the Saints will move up to select Glenn Dorsey, but it doesn't happen as the Chiefs pick him. I don't know whats more impressive the size of the rest of Dorsey's family or that enormous watch he's got on his wrist. Seriously though this guy is the smallest member of his family, that toilet growing up must have had pipes made out of bionic steel.

3:22 - A couple things about Chris Long going second overall; did anyone notice how crisp Howie's high and tight flat top was? Looks like my man's a Marine or somethin'...And Chris, get a haircut, you no good hippie. I'm surprised your old man didn't beat you silly for lettin' yourself go like that...hopefully his huge ass contract he's about to sign can cover the cost of a good trim job...

Someone needs to tell Matt Ryan it ain't cool to make out with your mom on TV while wearing a sweater vest - anyway, he's goin' third to the Falcons. Hope he doesn't own any dogs...

As we close in on Oakland's pick, we wonder why they're booing Matt the sweater vest? Cause he's white?...I don't get those jagoff's up north...Don't boo cause he's not going to play for your crappy team. It's cool that Big Snack can throw the ball further then your starting QB Jets' fans - it's not lame at all.

PS - Mel Kiper doesn't look nearly as creepy as he usually does...PSYCHE!!!

Lady, you're scaring us...

3:00 - Let the BS begin..Diego's here, and I think he'll be boozin lonestar afta he pounds down some Napoli's, so it could get very interesting...And as I watch this, I wonder, why do they always show those idiot Jet fans? I know it's in NY, but for God's sake, they haven't been a real team in years, and all they do is screw up the draft EVERY YEAR!!!

Diego just mentioned a sign in the stands that says "This is the year the Jets' draft bulnders end"...Classic.

Goddell's at the podium, we'll be back after the first few picks...

Ha, I'll be damned, he just came out and said the Dolphins pick Long - I totally expected them to take the full 10 minutes to announce it...The Rams are on the clock, and are prolly picking Chris Long, AKA Howie Long Jr....

2:51 - Hey boys and girls, Big Snack here (still waiting on Diego's punk ass), ready to bring you PNA's coverage of the first and second rounds of the NFL Draft.

The original plan was for us to drink a 30-pack and try and write this, however I think I'm going to veto that idea due to the last two evenings at lovely Crystal's in the Strip (more on them later...they got some big news that I'm going to break on this site, but they deserve their own day, so we'll wait until tomorrow for that).

So we'll be here, lettin yinz know what we think of today's festivities - we may not post for a little bit because those jerkies at ESPN pretty much ruined the first four or five picks by disclosing them already, but it is the draft, so you never know what kinda craziness is gonna go down...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Steelers' Schedule Breakdown

Here in the burgh most people I know love the Steelers more then they love their own families. With that being said, it is always “breaking news” with top priority from any news outlets (post gazette, tribune review, kdka, etc) any time Steelers news occurs. This is particularly true during the off-season (especially during the long painful Bucco’s season). With the recent announcement of the Steelers schedule there is plenty to talk about… so if ESPN can have a two-hour special breaking down the NFL schedule, I figure I can throw my 2 cents in too…

Preseason: If you really care about the preseason, then you should jump off a bridge. The preseason stinks. It is a tease because the good players are taken out at the blink of an eye. Why do you think it’s so easy to get Steelers preseason tickets, yet so much more difficult to score tickets to a real game? Not only do the fans think the preseason is a joke, but the players do too - just ask LT.

Sunday September 7th VS Houston Texans 1 PM

Personally I would rather start off the year away. The reason I think that is cuz I hate going to Steelers games where I sweat. Mid 70’s and sunshine with no clouds is a day I’d rather spend drinking “dirty banana’s” at Sandcastle while staring at scantily clad women, not sitting inside Heinz sweating my nuts off.

Outcome: The Lers tend to struggle historically against the Texans, however they do stink, so I’m saying we win this one and start out 1-0.

Sunday September 14th @ Cleveland Browns 8:15

Wow didn’t take long for the Steelers to see the national spotlight. The craziest thing is the Browns have like 5 primetime games this year. That is probably more then they’ve had in the last 10 years put together.

Outcome: We own the Browns at Cleveland Brown stadium; beside the moonlight and all the bright lights inside the stadium will confuse the Browns players. Steelers win, we’re 2-0.

Sunday September 21st @ Philadelphia Eagles 4:15

Philly fans are the worst ever. They think they are all high and mighty, and better then everyone else, but all their team does is choke in the big game. This is a rivalry game though and its always fun to beat down the Eagles. Too bad we’re not playing this one at home cuz I would love to go, but I just can’t afford the trip to Philly, tickets, and bail to get outta jail.

Outcome: Those people are animals, but fortunately their team isn’t. Steelers get off to a hot start at 3-0.

Monday September 29th VS Ravens 8:15

You gotta love Monday night football, you stay up all night drinking resulting in coming to work the next day with your breath wreaking like chicken wing sauce, nacho cheese, beer, and yager. (not a good combo) Not to mention a pretty mean hangover Tuesday morning, and mud butt from all those beers you drank. See yinz there!

Outcome: The Ravens were terrible last year, and they still have no QB, a new coach, and a team leader who is well past his prime. Sure their defense is mean and nasty, but who’s isn’t in the NFL? Steelers win and go undefeated in September 4-0.

Sunday October 5 @ Jacksonville Jaguars 8:15

Three out of the first five games are night games, which is kind of crazy. The NFL loves putting the Lers on primetime, and they aren’t stupid they know Steelers=high ratings. This is a rematch of our first round playoff match up last year. Maybe we’ll get a makeup call for that shitty no call in last year’s game.

Outcome: Jagoffs are another team that seems to trouble the Steelers, especially in Jacksonville, and we can’t win em all this year. Steelers lose 4-1.

Sunday October 12 BYE WEEK

Gives you plenty of extra time to set up good match ups in your fantasy football team, and an early jump on picking out your Halloween costume.

Sunday October 19 @ Cincinnati Bengals 1:00

Bengals fell off last year, everyone thought they’d be good, but they pooped the bed. I expect no less of them this year. There has been turmoil in the off-season with the dismal of Chris “I fought the law and the law won” Henry and also drama with Chad “I finally realized the why people call them the Bungals” Johnson. It’s not too late for them to get their act together, but I don’t think Marv Lewis got what it takes to make that happen; he lost control of this ship years ago…

Outcome: “The jungle” of Paul Brown Stadium is a joke, Steelers roll on them. Steelers 5-1.

Sunday October 26 VS New York Giants 4:15

Eli and the Super Bowl champs head into the Burgh to start a pretty rough stretch of games for our Steelers. Plax may be one hell of receiver, but I’m pretty sure he can’t even read… gotta love that Michigan State education!

Outcome: Hard fought battle as the Steelers are awesome on their home field. Regrettably, the ability to read doesn’t help to win football games, Giants prevail. Steelers 5-2.

Monday November 3 @ Washington Redskins 8:30

It’s looking like I will be using a lot of sick days on Tuesday, come this fall…Thankfully, Snack will most likely be unemployed, so his sick days won't be affected.

Outcome: DC is for bureaucrats and lawmakers, not football players, Steelers win. Steelers 6-2.

Sunday November 9 VS Indianapolis Colts 4:15

Maybe we will get some snow in early November to slow down their high-powered offense, after all this is Pittsburgh. Either that or hope that Peyton Manning is tired out from doing all that acting in TV commercials.

Outcome: Colts give the Steelers the business in our house. Steelers 6-3.

Sunday November 16 VS San Diego Chargers 4:15

Steelers fans are pissed off from a loss the previous week, and they also get an extra 3 hours to tailgate (get belligerently drunk) then the usual 1 o’clock start time.

Outcome: Steelers, fueled by 68 thousand drunken fans win the game. Steelers 7-3.

Thursday November 20 VS Cincinnati Bengals

When I first saw the schedule, I got all excited cuz I thought this game was on Thanksgiving night… that woulda been awesome, but the game is actually a week before Thanksgiving, which is butt cheeks. Football was meant to be played on Sundays, not Thursday night. I thought this was America?

Outcome: My heart wants me to pick the Steelers in this one, and even though it’s a short week I am going to do it. Steelers 8-3.

Sunday November 30 @ New England Patriots 4:15

The new scandal for the Patriots this year, Tom Brady is a genetically engineered robot… Seriously though this is BS, we played them last year at Foxboro and they are making us go play there again, WTF? Those pansies in Boston are too scared to come to the Burgh anyways, they’d rather talk smack on on-line message boards.

Outcome: What you don’t think they have more camera’s hidden in that stadium somewhere? Steelers lose, 8-4.

Sunday December 7 VS Dallas Cowboys 4:15

Jessica Simpson in the Burgh, enough said. For real though, good lord that’s a lot of Super Bowl’s between these two teams. It seems like forever since we’ve hosted the Boys, but this is definitely gonna be a HUGE game for us, and it could make or break our season.

Outcome: Steelers lose to the cream of the crop in the NFC, even though Big Ben tries distracting Romo by getting Jessica hammered drunk dahn the South Side, 8-5.

Sunday December 14 @ Baltimore Ravens 1:00 Ravens are washed up there’s no doubt about that. By this point of the year they may have their stuff together though, however, the more likely scenario is that they will still suck ass.

Outcome: Steelers go undefeated against the Purple uniform wearing weirdo’s, 9-5.

Sunday December 21 @ Tennessee Titans 1:00

Vince Young is going to be suspended for this one… not for making it rain and punching a stripper… not for getting caught smoking a blunt in his Benz… not for totting a gun in a road rage incident… but for finally sucker punching ESPN analyst and former Steelers back Merrill Hoge for talking so much smack on him since he was drafted into the NFL.

Outcome: The power of Jeff Fischer’s mullet can’t get the job done at home, Steelers win 10-5.

Sunday December 28 VS Cleveland Browns At this point of the season the Cleveland fans will come to the realization that last year was a fluke and that the Browns truly do still suck. I reiterate the fact that the only athlete worth a crap in the entire state of Ohio is Lebron James (oh ya and now Terrell Pryor too) Better be ready to cheer for the Buckeyes, Brownies fans.

Outcome: Cleveland sucks, but somehow squeek one by us(we musta drank some of their river water...EWWWWW). Steelers finish 10-6.

Well there you have it folks, as I’m sure your all well aware my predictions (like those of every other sports outlet) are completely useless and unnecessary, still it was fun writing it. Go Steelers, see yinz on Saturday at the draft.

PS - And since it's election season, we figured we'd let Barack Obama tell us how he feels about the Steelers, but instead of sending a written response, all we got was this...

(Pic from

I guess a picture does say a thousand words...GO STEELERS!

PSS - Apparently, everyone loves to hate the Patriots and their very metro sexual QB, Tom Brady. This story is hilarious, and Snack personally feels it's true...

Until lata...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Jagr is a Tool

Since the Washington Capitals decided to crap themselves and lose game 7 of their series with the Flyers last night, the Pens now play the New York hockey Rangers in Round 2 of the Eastern Conference playoffs starting Friday night at 7PM at the Igloo.

I am personally kinda glad we get to play these jagoffs - hopefully Sid the Kid and Geno will show the Jagr-bomb who the real deal is in these playoffs, and send these whiny women (I'm talkin' bout you Avery - email me at and I'll call you a woman to your face) back to NY with their tails' between their legs. And don't even get me started on the rest of the clowns on that squad. As far as I'm concerned, they can all climb the Empire State Building and take a flying leap off...

Marc Fluery needs to continue his lights out play and Hal "I have a big stick" Gill needs to keep pummeling people or we could be in some serious trouble. I mean honestly, NY is prolly the hardest team left for us in the East - Philly would be a toss up due to our rivalry (but obviously we'd beat them silly) and I think we can beat Montreal somewhat handily. They're a good squad but I don't think they match up well with the Pens in a playoff series; we're more talented, bigger and tougher then they are, which is not a good way to start the series.

Although, I think we're more talented, bigger and tougher then everyone left in the East, so I guess everyone we play is behind the 8-ball from the get go...

As far as all the other Pittsburgh sports, the Buccos won yesterday (they still stink) and the Steelers draft 23rd on Sunday. The draft starts at 3 PM, so my guess is we'll pick around 6ish.

And make sure you check in with PNA during the draft - as of now (subject to change because we suck), we plan on live blogging the first two rounds of the draft. I know, it's a crazy idea, but with enough beer, anything's possible...

Until lata...

Monday, April 21, 2008


Ok guys, we usually don't like to go so long without an update, but with the Pens still waiting on a second round opponent, and the Buccos in the midst of a 5 game losing streak, there really hasn't been much worth reporting.

My fat self will be working the elections tomorrow, but hopefully I'll be able to mess around on here all day - if not, you may hear about a large, white male going on a shooting rampage in Highland Park.

Anyway, look for something to be up about our first round opponent (things hsould be a little clearer after tonight's game), and possibly even a new top 10 and mock draft sometime later in the week.

Until then, we at PNA suggest you sign this petition that's trying to get a bridge named after Myron Cope, crack open an Iron, and enjoy tonight's playoff hockey - we'll be playin' again before you know it...

Until lata...