Friday, May 2, 2008

Top 10 Reasons the NHL Playoffs Rock

Now that April is over the NHL playoffs are getting into full swing of things. Next week the conference championships will start, and this is where things really get interesting. If you haven’t caught hockey fever yet, then now is the time to jump on the bandwagon. If you need some help getting fired up, here’s PNA’s top 10 reasons why the NHL playoffs rock…

10. Most games are in HD

If you’re a true fan of sports then the ridiculously big and wide flat screen is a must. (It sure is getting expensive to be a sports fan these days) Lets face it though, if you don’t have HD TV yet then your living stone age. Hockey in high definition is freakin awesome, and it’s definitely the next best thing to shelling out big bucks for tickets to the game. (I’ll get to that). And as my girlfriend likes to say, “you can actually see the puck when you’re watching in HD”.

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Why the F is he in a Rangers uni?

9. You can blow your tax return on playoff tickets

Your taxes are due in April, and the NHL playoffs also start that month. Is this a coincidence? Well yea, it probably is, but that doesn’t change the fact you can use that cold hard cash you get back from Uncle Sam to stimulate the economy by buying some Penguins playoff tickets. (Just be sure to get nice and drunk before you go inside, so they don’t get you on the whole Onorato 10% tax on the poured alcohol)

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Give em' hell...

8. Every second counts

One of the knocks on hockey is that the regular season is long, so the games are less meaningful. All that crazy talk is tossed out the window come playoff time. Playoff hockey is just about as intense as it gets. The momentum swings frequently and you watch the game on the edge of your seat. (And if you’re like me you chew off most of your fingernails before the drop of the puck in the third period)

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Time to go, Rangers...

7. The refs let ‘em play in the playoffs

The last thing you want in the final game of a 7 game series is the ref blowing his stupid whistle late in the third and basically deciding the outcome of a game, by calling a ticky-tack penalty. This doesn’t happen too often in the NHL. The refs will usually have to see something pretty significant (blatant) happen right in front of them in order to make a call. Penalties like interference, hooking, boarding, elbowing, and crosschecking are for the most part ignored at the end of the 3rd and in OT.

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No Shirt, No Penalty

6. It gives you more opportunities to wear that $200 Hockey jersey you bought

Unless you go to the game and the PR geniuses decided to have a “white out” and make you wear a shirt that probably cost them about 15 cents because they were made at some sweat shop in Malaysia, this past time is a favorite of all true NHL fans. Hell, you don’t even need to own a “new” hockey jersey. The playoffs give you an excuse to dust off that god awful Rob Brown alternate Pens jersey that’s been sitting in your closet since 1993. Rock it proudly!

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Remind me, who thought this jersey was a good idea?

5. Because it proves Canada is inferior to the good ole US of A

All of us American’s already know this fact obviously. It’s just good to reiterate it every now and again especially because those uppity hosser’s think they are running shit in hockey.

Newsflash Canada, even though you act all high and mighty, none of your teams have won the Stanley Cup since 1992-93 season. American teams run this league so stick to fishing, drinking your nasty Canadian beer, collecting firewood, and whatever else yinz do up there, before you hurt yourselves.

PS have fun watching Montreal (the only Canadian team left) lose very soon.

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Truer words have never been printed...

4. They give you an excuse to party 3 or 4 times per week

I mean who really needs an excuse to drink on a weekday anyway? Usually when you go out and get hammered drunk and wake up hurting in the morning its only because its Wednesday, and you love the sauce.

Now when coworkers and bosses ask why your production level is so low, and also why you smell like brewery, you can use the excuse that you were celebrating another Penguins win the night before. Not only that, but your also helping the local economy by spending 40% of your pay check at your local watering hole.

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Looks like Snack and Diego at this year's Pens-Devils game...

3. They allow you to inevitably delay watching MLB baseball or the NBA playoffs

Usually quality sports programming is a little hard to come by in Pittsburgh this time of the year; most people around here hate NBA basketball with a passion and after a decade and a half of losing seasons we’ve also just about had it with the miserable Pirates.

Hockey playoffs give you something to look forward to, they give you a reason to watch the sports coverage on the news and read the sports section in the paper. And best of all thanks to the Pens you haven’t even started counting down to Steelers training camp yet!

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How most of us feel after watching our Buccos

2. It’s one more reason to hate Philadelphia and everyone in it

Thanks to MZP for thinking up this one.

If you live in the Burgh chances are you’re just like Big Snack and I, meaning you hate our interstate rivals in Philadelphia. And it’s not just their sports teams, but it’s also the annoying ass people who call Philly home. Their arrogant attitudes are not only unjustified, but also delusional.

Face it, the whole town is full or rejects from New York and New Jersey, (maybe that’s why they think they’re tough) your sports teams stink, and you can’t fight. It will be awesome watching Sid and company dismantle you in the conference finals, that is if you don’t shit the bed against Montreal first.

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The ONLY reason I set foot in Philly

1. Playoff Beards

Behold the almighty and powerful… PLAYOFF BEARD. Some of the greatest men in history had beards; Chuck Norris, Mr. T., Jerry Garcia, and even Jesus! Not only does the playoff beard embody manliness, but it also helps to unify the team to become one.

The superstition of the playoff beard goes back all the way to the 80’s and many believe that is bad luck to not grow one. (Just ask Jagr cuz whatever you wanna call that thing on his face, it certainly ain’t a playoff beard)

This trend is so well-liked even players in other sports like football and basketball are jumping on the bandwagon. In 2006, Big Ben grew a playoff beard, and we all know what happened next. Also Lebron James grew one last year for the NBA playoffs, leading his team to the finals.

Note from Snack - My playoff beard is in full the question is, should I keep the red beard or get rid of it, you know, for the ladies? Who am I kiddin', we all know the ladies always win over sports...

The playoff beard is so popular it also has its own website. What kind of playoff beard do you have?

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If you don't grow a playoff beard, Chuck will roundhouse kick you...

Until lata...

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