It’s a… HOCKEY NIGHT in Pittsburgh!! In the Burgh we love our Penguins and we also love veteran Pens announcer Mike Lange. Lange was Penguins television announcer from 1975 until 2006. Lange now calls the game’s for Pens radio affiliate 105.9 The X, with the Ole’ two-niner, Phil Borque.
PN@ prefers listening to Lange and his “Lange-isms” as opposed to listening to Paul Steigerwald and Bob Errey talking about big sticks….
If your from Pittsburgh and you don’t know about the legacy of Mike Lange then “shame on you for six weeks”. Lange has reached icon status as the Pens announcer achieving a similar level of fame to the late and great, Myron Cope. So in honor of the Penguins upcoming playoff run, here is the Top 10 Mike Lange Sayings…
We at PN@ hope to one day have our faces immortalized on a IC Light can too...
10. (Insert goalie name here) just lost his liquor license.
This quote starts out the list, it doesn’t really make much sense (most of these don’t as you will soon find out). However, it is still funny and the fact that Lange is rumored to love the sauce makes it even funnier. And since our beers are now 10% more expensive thanks to Onorato and his infinite wisdom, this is definitely one that fits where we're at as a city...
9. She wants to sell my monkey.
Of course she does, she never lets you keep anything you like. Like a monkey isn’t practical? Geez. It can help you spell (ala Cartman), steal you stuff and it's a chick magnet. Hmmm, I think I'm seeing why she wants to sell my monkey afterall...
8. Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek.
Okay so if you’re from outside the Burgh this one is flying way over your head… (That’s probably the reason why us Burghlers love it even more) If you’re not from Pgh, then this doesn’t rhyme. Conversely if you speak Pittsburghese then it makes perfect sense as Slick and creek (pronounce crick) sounds pretty nice together. And as PNA says - If you're not from Pittsburgh, go %#$@ yourself (thank you Ricky Bobby, who is an honorary Burgher )
7. How much fried chicken can you eat?
It is no secret that there is a ton of fatties in Pittsburgh, and in the Mellon Arena supporting the Pens (just look around next time your there). The mere mention of fried chicken when a player scores a goal gets our fat fans mouths watering, while simultaneously giving them a hunger for more scores.
6. He beat him like a rented mule
Being a rented mule must not be an easy life… still probably better then being a Bucco’s fan though. At least both share the fact that they know a beating is coming.
5. Buy Sam a drink, and get his dog one too.
Again with the drinking, Lange sure knows what us Pittsburghers like doesn’t he? Seeing as how Pittsburgh is the type of place where I actually wouldn’t be surprised to see man’s best friend sitting inside of a bar drinking, this one makes sense. Plus, dogs are hilarious when they're drunk (so I've heard - PNA doesn't endorse the drunkening of dogs for amusement's sake, less we have PETA digging in our asses).
4. He doesn’t know whether to cry or wind his watch.
Simply a classic, and definitely an all time favorite, Mario used to make goalies look so silly and this one was used frequently. Now it’s Sid the Kid and Geno’s turn to make Martin Gerber look like a clown. (By the way, his Rolex is doing fine, so get that SOB some Kleenex)
3. Scratch my back with a hacksaw/ Shave my face with a rusty razor.
Those two quotes give you a nice mental image don’t they? I just wonder where Lange comes up with this crazy nonsense. I guess he's seen Snack's playoff beard (which is glorious). Whatever he is smoking, send some PN@’s way!
2. Get in the fast lane grandma, the Bingo game is ready to roll.
I dare you, no double dare you, to get in the way of a grandma and her bingo game. It would be curtains for you…. Curtains!!!! The Early Bird games begin at 7 and it's 6:45 for the Sens right now...time for them to move it into the right hand lane and watch the blue-hairs fly by..
1. Ladies and Gentlemen… Elvis has left the building.
Ahh this one is music to the ears of any Penguins fans, as it signifies that the Pens have the game locked down and they are coming out with a win. As soon as Mike Lange proclaims Elvis to be gone, then so too are the chances of the other team winning the game, and it’s party time! Which means you can find Lange at some seedy joint in the Strip, sipping on his scotch with his hound dog by his side. LETS GO PENS!
Honorable Mention - He took the heat out of a hot kitchen, Michael… Michael… motorcycle, Look out Loretta, Great balls of fire, Big Ben strikes one, Heeeeeeeee…. Shoots and scores, He’s smiling like a butcher's dog, He’s handing out checks like it’s the first of the month, Book ‘em Danno.