Saturday, January 19, 2008

Top 10 Ugliest Jerseys in Sports Today

Uniforms in today’s sports are constantly changing; teams may change cities, or just simply decide that their old digs need to be updated. Also, the revenue generated from sports jersey sales has become huge, leading a lot of teams to incorporate a third, or sometimes even forth, “alternate” jersey into their repertoire. Both of these factors combined have cleared the way for some of the ugliest sports jerseys I have ever seen...and that gave me the idea for this weeks list...

10. Minnesota Wild-

If you’re the type of person who enjoys the Christmas season, then chances are you love this jersey. I mean red and green together - you really couldn’t think of anything better then that? Maybe I should let them slide since it is Minnesota and they aren’t exactly on the cusp of the fashion industry out there in eastcabum...(fill in the rest). When I think Wild, I think something badass, and the Wild logo and jersey is far from that. You would have to be pretty Wild to rock one of these though, maybe that’s what they were going for.

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Christmas all year long in Minnesota...

9. Baltimore Ravens-

Expansion teams, for one reason or another, usually have horrible jerseys and the Raven’s are no exception. What grown man wouldn’t wanna look like Barney when rooting on their favorite team every Sunday? Nothing makes you feel like a man more then wearing purple...HAHAHAHA The Steelers game I look forward to going to the most every year is the Ravens game. Why? So I can unmercifully heckle and harass all those morons from B-more who wear those purple jerseys, to the point where they need a police escort to get inside Heinz Field. It’s just too easy.

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Ray Ray, do you have a purse to go with that uniform?

8. New Orleans Hornets-

Ok, so whenever they were located in Charlotte, the Hornets' jersey were bad...I guess they thought changing to teal and yellow was an improvement...I’m thinking not so much...Yes they did take out the purple, but they decided to go with the equally girlish colors teal and yellow - or is that canary? Not a very smart move. If I were Chris Paul, I would hang my head in shame every time I ripped off my warm-ups and ran onto the court.

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Pastels? Really?

7. Virginia Tech Football

The Hokies have had a rough year so far, first the tragic shootings, then the whole Michael Vick story. So I do feel bad for the V-Tech students, but it won’t stop me from hating on their football uniforms. They are kinda plain, which I am into because I like the old school uni’s, but the colors just don’t go together at all. Maroon and orange - what did you do throw two darts at the color wheel? Crayola wouldn’t dare to put these two crayons next to each other in the crayon box.

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Hey Vick, I'd be a criminal too if I had to wear this crappy jersey...

6. Oregon Football-

They just barely edge out their college counterparts at V-Tech, but for good reason -these jerseys (and I do wanna make sure I make that plural) are just God-awful. I’m not even going to get into the color combo, which is one of the worst I’ve seen. It's the brightness of these jerseys that makes them even worse...its like they’re reaching out of the picture and slapping you in the face with their ugliness. The addition of those fake steel marks (or whatever the hell they are) only make them that much worse. (thank God the Steelers never tried to make this happen) They actually kind of look like tire treads, and that reminds me...the person who gave the final okay on these jerseys should be run over by a truck!

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Quack! Quack! Quack!

5. Nashville Predators

This is by far the most hideous jersey in the entire NHL, if not in all of hockey...ever. This jersey is pretty weak, but it's most certainly the shiny silver that puts it over the top. It looks like some sort of space suit with that shiny Mylar-like material on the shoulders. This jersey without a doubt looks like it should come from the 1980’s, and I don’t consider that a positive.

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M.C. Hammer just called and said he wants his jersey back...

4. Pittsburgh Pirates Red Alternates

Don’t get me wrong, the regular Bucco jerseys aren’t really anything to write home about, but at least they go along with the whole black and gold theme of our fair city. I don’t know what the hell they are thinking trying to rock out the red cut off sleeve jersey; it just doesn’t work for them at all. Any one who has been to a home Buccos game on a Sunday knows what I am talking about. With any luck these eye sores will be gone within the next year or two. I mean, the Pirates should at least be able to look good while losing 100 games a year.

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Somebody do me a favor and call P Diddy and tell him to design our new alternate jerseys...

3. Cleveland Browns-

Now this one is kinda screwed up because Cleveland actually had the chance to change those atrocious uniforms when they reentered the league in 1999. However, they decided that sticking with the poop brown jerseys was a good course of action. (What the h were they thinking) I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - there is no other professional sports team with brown in their logo. You would think this would give those jagoffs in Cleveland a clue, but I suppose they are dumber then they look. Why anyone would buy a brown jersey is beyond me, but I’m thinking orange isn’t much better. They don’t even have a freakin' logo! Maybe their new mascot can be a giant version of Mr. Hanky from South Park, seems like it would be a good fit. Hiiiiiiidieeeeeeee Hoooooooooo!

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It's poop again...

2. McDonalds All-American-

These are a less popular pick since the game is only held once a year, but I thought they were good enough to make the list because they actually piss me off - they're that super-ugly. Don’t try to sit here and tell me that Mickey D’s doesn’t have enough money to make them better, because that is blasphemy. McDonald's has served over a billion people worldwide, so that bank account is pretty hefty. They manage to get the greatest players in high school B-ball to come play for them, but their uni’s are worse then my 12th grade St. Rosalia CYO jerseys, and we had to buy our own shorts!

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Do you think they made them ketchup and mustard colored on purpose?

1. Miami Dolphins-

Okay folks, I am going to have to thank our reader MZP for pointing this one out to me. She reminded me one reason I might hate these jerseys so much is because of the first car I ever had - a 1990 Teal Ford Tempo. I am actually kind of embarrassed to admit that I rocked a teal car that couldn’t go up the steep hills of Pittsburgh if you had the AC on. (It had no prayer of making it if Snack was riding shottie) The Dolphins should be even more embarrassed that they have the audacity to wear a teal colored jersey each and every Sunday. Teal is a girl’s color and football is a man's sport, so this equation just doesn’t equal out.

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Even JP looks like a wuss...

Honorable mention: Atlanta Thrashers, Hawaii Football, Seattle Mariners, Phoenix Suns, Tampa Bay D-Rays.

Bonus 50 ugliest things in sports link… Well boys and girls, there's our list. Remember, it's just our opinion, feel free to add any you think we ommitted to the comments section.

Until next week...


The Duke from Dukes Court said...

Cuse's football jerseys are awful.

johnny said...

i agree with the majority...but the dolphins is a bad call...nothing wrong with the teal and white

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