Thursday, January 3, 2008

Why the Big Tuna should hire Big Snack as the new head coach...

As many of you have heard, Cam Cameron was fired by the Big Tuna down in Miami...Dude may have gotten a raw deal, seeing as he only had one season, but, as we all know, life ain't fair cheif...

(Pic from abcnews.com)

Hey Bruno, this is the guy you're looking for...

Diego suggested that Big Snack himself would make a good candidate to replace Cameron with the 'Phins, so here's a few things I'll put on my resume when I send it to Parcells...

- I went to the Univerisity of Dayton, which has produced 5 Super Bowls from the coaching ranks...Four by Chuck Noll and one by John Gruden. In fact, I had a class with a professor who taught Gruden, and he told me I got a better grade. So seeing as my Journalism 301 class skills are better then his, I will definitely win AT LEAST 2-3 Super Bowls for them.

- I also will tell Coach Parcells that my philosophy for the draft will NOT include drafting a 5-9, 155 lb. wide reciever in the first round. My opinion is if you play pro football and don't weigh at least 200 lbs., you're useless to me and my organization. Football is a game of men, and real men are over 200 lbs.

- Another thing that might make the Tuna lean toward the Snack is that fact that I'm bigger and probably tougher then almost all of their offensive line. I can pull a Mike Tice and shove my 6-5, 300 lb. ass into some pads and teach these boys a thing or two. I played ball at Central Catholic, which some would argue is a better football team then the Dolphins right now anyway.

- One more coaching philosophy that might intrigue the Tuna is that I would DRAFT a quarterback and let him learn under me, ala Big Ben, Carson Palmer, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Tony Romo, etc... I wouldn't bring in a trailor full of washups like Trent Green, Joey Harrington, AJ Feely and Dante Culpepper. None of them have worked out, with the lone exception being Trent Green, who got his head bashed in very early in his tenure and never had the chance to fail.

- Finally, I've logged more hours running a franchise in Madden 08 then just about anybody on God's green earth. My team, the Pittsburgh OG's, have won 14 consecutive Super Bowls, have had 9 consecutive league MVP's, and have never had less then 13 wins in their 15 year existance. Add to that the fact that I've managed to get the first pick in the NFL Draft 6 times (I'm an expert at dumping vets and draft picks to move up in the draft) and you have yourself one pretty complete coach. Hell, if he didn't just hire a GM I'd throw my name in that hat too.

So what do yinz think? Should Snack be the new coach or what?

Until lata...


1 comment:

Robert said...

If you could coack from your coach up in the box then yes (lie you do at Madden)...